Thursday, March 30, 2006

me and kat darling, my beloved connectzzz sis. dancing buddy. coffee buddy. one of the les miserables trio. my bracelet buddy. love ya kat!
--cheng at 3:03 AM
Friday, March 24, 2006
Today is the 24th of March, 2006 and the time is 26 minutes past the hour of 4 in the afternoon.

I am currently at a loss for words.

I am currently in an off mood. I don't know what to do. I don't know whether to start working or to just sleep till the term ends.

I want to go home. Ld is graduating this weekend and I won't be home for it. *depressed*

I told her, my sis, that i'd be home in time to see her march but where am i? here in manila, not ever done with school yet.

Bright side? Mickey said he'd get me into the Writer's Workshop and I'm so excited. I mean i'll be surrounded by Palanca Awardees. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Talk about intimidating. I think i'll just stay in a corner, and learn but try to go unnoticed until Mickey comes to pick me up.

Down side? Money wise, i hope ill make it home. Besides anton will be taking all these lessons i suppose this will be mine. I really hope i'll get to go. I definitely wouldn't mind being starstruck the whoooooole summer.

I miss loads of people. I MISS YOU RAUL. I MISS YOU RIZA. I MISS YOU KAT. I MISS YOU LD. I MISS YOU CLAIRE. I MISS YOU BEMBEM. I MISS YOU JOHN. I MISS YOU PORKCHOP. I MISS YOU MONCHI. I MISS YOU MARK. I MISS YOU NOWELL. I MISS YOU GERARD. I MISS YOU KERWIN. I MISS YOU LUEL. I MISS YOU UNTOY. I MISS YOU WAWA. I MISS YOU RENREN. I MISS YOU ALLLLLLL!

DAMN DAMN DAMN.

Life's a bitch... for now.
--cheng at 12:06 AM
Wednesday, March 15, 2006

They say that 'distance makes the heart grow fonder'... i say? it's true. but distance also gives you all sorts of feelings.

SADNESS... and i'm bluer than blue, sadder than sad.. you're the only light this empty room has ever had.

JEALOUSY and INSECURITY... yes b, i know that i have nothing to worry about but i can't help it.

B, i miss you so much. Five days with you felt like how many months but it also felt like only how many hours. How can i explain how it feels to have someone you love so much be with you 24/7, included in your decisions, in whatever you do. The next thing I know I'm boarding that damn plane on the way back to manila.

I know for sure that he doesn't read my blog, but in the eventuality that he may read it then.. wait, i'm still going to write the same ole things.

It's weird. Feeling like this. I never did feel this.... empty?... before. Everday since i've left, i wake up looking for him or hoping to see him around when i know i won't. When i know that i've left him back home. I hate knowing that he's back there and i'm here and yet, I will always look for him. I just keep hoping that he'll pop out from behind the post or he'll come shouting my name from around the corner. Just goes to show that i'm a believer in wishful thinking.

Now... everything doesn't seem the same. Our talks though they help alot don't seem to fill the gap, the abscence, the emptiness. Sometimes, i don't feel you love me as much as before. Ouch. True? I don't know. But that's how it seems to feel. I don't want to feel this way. I want to be there with him. I want to be in his arms. I don't mind him poking me and telling me i'm fat or that i should lose weight some more. I just want to be with him. is that so wrong? is that so bad? is that so hard!

They're going back to Mindanao, Enchi I mean. Yup, they're touring again. Weird huh. I knew this would be like this. I mean they're a band. As much as i want them to be popular and a well known band i can't help but wish that they'd remain exclusively Hayahay's, exclusively ours, exclusively Dumaguete's. But where'll that get them huh.

TRUST is the key. TRUST is something that i have to give him totally. I do trust him, i trully do. It's the girls i don't trust. But b, i trust you darlin'. You know that.

Sigh... Paranoia weekend, here i come again.

--cheng at 9:34 PM
Saturday, February 25, 2006
It's funny how the last few days have been. It's been this and that. Mixture of everything good and bad. Sometimes one doesn't know how to feel anymore. Should i be happy, should i be sad? Should i be angry, should i feel melancholic? Should i laugh, should i cry? To spend or not to spend? Coffee or tea? Juice or water? ok. i'm getting annoyed. It's been full of choices and i can't seem to make up my mind.

why can't life be simpler.

just as simple as this extremely short entry i'm writing.
--cheng at 11:22 PM
Friday, February 17, 2006

PROGRESS: i have finally finished writing one page and a half for my film midterm paper *snaps for me everyone* yeahhhh!

Today was fun.
well i feel really fat right now. talk about binging. MAJOR FOODTRIP with raphi. Too bad we didn't get to go get your mangnana, again. Shoot. *Orange is the new pink*We must go to Paris* hahahaha. Talk about teenybopper girly movies with loads of popcorn, marshmallows and maltesers! waaahoooo!

Worried mode.
I can't believe him. He knew he had fever before boarding the boat last night and yet he went. Ok ok. I know how band members can be. Totally committed to the music, to the band. But please, he knows that I was already worried about him traipsing all over Mindanao for their concert tour and then he tells me he has fever and still he goes. CRAZY. Sigh, ok ok. I guess i'm just really worried. Bad trait: must stop being a worry-wart.

Countdown mode.
Two more weeks till im back home working my butt off taking pictures here, there and basically everywhere. And literally 24/7. Talk about serious photography. But i really wanna get a really high grade in this and i really wanna do well and i want to be in the dean's list for once atleast in my whole collegiate life. (a little side note: a goonie mentioned that students on the dean's list get discounts on trips to boracay.. how true? i probably will never know.) But i'm excited to go home. That means.... spaghetti, black zambo, reggae music, and my beloved connectzzz my family-friends! i can't wait -- but work first!

Assessment: making progress. must achieve all goals.

My thoughts: eurotrip. penguin. mangnanas. coasters. sour cream popcorn. coffee. spaghetti.
--cheng at 4:43 AM
Thursday, February 16, 2006
no progress.
no progress at all.
majors is starting to get to me.
three pages of film critique and i've barely scratched the surface.
two days and a half of thinking and what have i finished? -- the introduction and the first few lines of what is to be the first paragraph.

what to do.. what to do..

Cry? Nah... As if my tears will magically transform itself into words and help me finish my midterm paper.

Laugh? Nothing to laugh about.. It's so pathetic that I haven't even been able to finish one page!

Work? Now that is the best idea i've thought of, too bad i'm not practicing what i'm preaching.

well something to look forward to, movie and shopping with raphi darling! Since we won't be able to push through with our Eurotrip, we shall solve it by shopping! After all, according to my darling sister (from another mother and father), shopping is the solution to everything! *wink*wink*

What a week. Busy Busy Bee but also a really slow and dragging week. Grrr. I hate that feeling. You know you're busy and yet you're bored to death. Just goes to show that someone isn't enjoying what she's doing. I can't wait to start shooting back home though. I mean it's surely going to be hard, but the topic I have is soooo interesting. I mean, portraits of the sea? how cool is that! Now if i can pull it off, yeah i'll be soooo good! hahaha... IF i pull it off.

Anyway i will go now and try to be productive. Seriously. I will. I shall. Bleh.
--cheng at 1:11 AM
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
majors... majors.. more majors..

photography.. radio production.. print production.. film... siiiggghhh...

i am being so unproductive right now. instead of writing my midterm paper for my film class i'm here writing in my blog. well atleast print midterms are over. i have to get started on my photography finals project soon though. my portfolio will be portraits of the sea and provincial landmarks of Dumaguete. Yup, looks like i'm going home for a couple of days and staying up 24/7 to watch out for when i can photograph certain locations. BOO. No sleep, running around the entire city for around 4 days straight looking for the right angle with the right lighting. People are surely gonna say "Manila drove Cheska mad. There... LOOK! See her run around the city with a tripod!! Crazy child!" Ha. CommArts People Are Crazy -- didn't any of you know that?

Coffee -- what is it about coffee that is so relaxing? Well except the ones they sell in Starbucks which really makes me rattled. Memento's and Bo's coffee are the best! They are absolutely delish! Yummmm! Craving a cup right now. It would probably help stimulate my creative brain power into writing a smashing film comparison analysis midterm paper. Raise the Red Lantern? 'Twas ok, loved the shot of where they killed the girl.. Raises the hair on your arms since there's no sound nor do they show it. Virgin Suicides? I loved it! A Classic! I love the telephone scene! Insiang? Wow.. Hilda Koronel was PRETTY! Of course, with sir commenting on it through the entire movie it kinda got old.. hehe. And man can she act, talk about expressive eyes! Blue? Ok this movie we just watched yesterday. My reaction? Nada. I am so lost. It was a confusing movie. Or was i the only one lost on the whole flow of the story? I really liked the parts though where they focused on each note on the musical score and it was played in the background. Parallel but we were the only ones hearing it... or she was imagining it.. Good point huh? Ngiga.

Atleast as of now the only thing I have to concentrate on is my midterm paper for film. Then by the first or second week of March I really have to be done with taking my photographs for my final portfolio. I'm going to bring 10 rolls of film just to be sure. Or is that too much? hhhmm. Better safe than sorry right? (or is it really just too much? teehee.)

Only around a month and a half of third term left. Gotta get to work methinks.. Ciao. ;)
--cheng at 7:32 PM